I graduated two days ago and since then I’ve been extremely emotional. If you look at me wrong, say the wrong thing, take too long to respond to me, I lose it emotionally. I’ve cried at least ten times in the last 48 hours, and it’s getting ridiculous. I know it isn’t because I graduated from college, I think it has more to do with not knowing what the future holds for me.
Talking about future prospects freaks me out because I’ve been out of the workforce for so many years and have been a student for the last four years….it’s daunting to think about getting a job right now because I want to get my masters. Also, I’m having a hell of a time figuring out where to even look for a job. Do I want to look where I currently live or where I hope to live in the future? There are many factors that will weigh that decision, but I’m not sure I’m capable of having those conversations right now.
I’m proud of myself for having made it this far and part of me is scared to stop, due to the fact that I may never find the time to go back!
Me and my bestie, Tish!
For Mother’s Day this year, one of the presents that my boyfriend bought me was the graphic novel, Tanpopo. He had been reading Preacher and raving about how amazing it was, but I never expected that I would end up liking/looking forward to reading graphic novels or comics. He figured I would enjoy it, as I enjoy drawing manga characters and love to read. After devouring Tanpopo in a day, I promptly ordered Tanpopo, Volume 2, along with Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, Giant Days and Hark! A Vagrant.
That’s a lot of hyperlinks, I know… don’t feel obligated to check them out, but if you are interested at all, then by all means…enjoy! I started reading Tanpopo, Volume 2, but it wasn’t holding my interest like the first one. Fun Home was fairly complex and definitely not for kids. My favorite so far was probably Giant Days even though it is meant for teens and took less than an hour to read.
Now I have the urge to go to the comic store and purchase the entire Giant Days series, and related series along with books that I find appealing due to the cover art, lol.
I got a tattoo! Not just any tattoo mind you, but a tattoo that I care very deeply about. I talked about the meaning in my last post (which was forever ago). My boyfriend, Victor bought me a gift certificate for Christmas this last year and him and I both went in on January 8th and got tattooed with the words “ANAM CARA,” which is Gaelic for Soul Friend.
In the process…
The finished product!
And Victor’s too!
I’m really happy with the way they turned out. I’m already planning my next one!🙂
The ancient Celts believed in a soul that radiated about the body. They believed that when two individuals formed a deep and lasting bond that their souls would mingle. Therefore, each person could be said to have found their “anam cara”, or “soul friend.”
I may not know much in life, but I do know that I’ve experienced finding my soul mate, and it feels amazing! I’m more in love now than I’ve ever been in my life, and I’m bursting at the seams to tell the beginning of our love story.
It happened on an ordinary day, near the river, at “the moon.” Sitting in the car, side by side, holding hands. The tension between us so great that it was practically tangible. We kept looking at one another, wondering who is brave enough to jump first…what would happen afterwards…what is happening…is this for real? You jumped first, I responded, it…was…. pure bliss, and it was really, actually happening! The second our lips touched I knew you were someone special. After a sharp inhale and the slowest possible exhale to date, I knew that my life would never be the same. After our souls met, I felt my own respond with “Oh there you are. I’ve been looking for you,” and I’ve been madly in love with you since that very moment.
We have a story to tell, you and I. We have a beautiful start to a rewarding and lasting love that not everyone has the opportunity to experience. I’m glad we’re on this journey together sweetheart, because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
I love you to the moon!
The Moon and Ocean
You are excited and filled with energy
When you speak you speak with confidence
An assuring tone is heard when condoning a friend
The light that shines from your presence is as bright as the stars
You are always the one that cast the shadows upon the world
You are the light in the dark
The crescent shape in the dark sky
The bringer of fear and nightmares but yet eternal rest
You are the power behind flowing tides
You are the life in the night
You are the strength behind everyone’s will to rise another day and fight on
You are the push
I am the dark flowing pool of life
The one object that separates the great nations
The tranquil being
But violent when the season sees fit
A threat to those that dare challenge me
I control the destiny of every ship that sails
Sink or swim is the command I give
I am ruthless yet forgiving
To show respect is my game
A nightmare that can appear at any moment
A force that seems to stop time in its tracks
I hold many secrets though at times you exploit them
I am the calm in the midst of the storm
We know no bounds and no restrictions
We are the two spirits the rule the night
Spirits that flow one behind the other in a pond of balance
You are push and I am pull
You are life and I am death
You are good and I am evil
You are peace and I am chaos
You are the tiger and I am the dragon
You are destiny and I am fate
I am Yin you are Yang
Forever maintaining balance through the night
The Moon and Ocean
Remember to breathe. There are two sides to every story, every situation & every circumstance…don’t choose sides, gain perspective. You aren’t a bad person no matter who tells you otherwise. You are capable of great love, immense happiness and worthy of complete devotion. You will be surprised when you realize that your love is not disposable.
Life will fall into place when it’s supposed to. Love the job you choose, don’t settle for less than you deserve. Delete the old bucket list and start a new one that is full of all the wonderful places you want to go, and the things that you want to be part of. Forget your past transgressions and forgive those who have hurt or offended you over the years.
Cherish your family and friends, loving each and every one with abandon. Face your fears. Speak your mind. Quit being passive. Ask questions. Ponder answers. Live your full potential. Stop getting down on yourself, it doesn’t help progression. Don’t be afraid to hurt. Don’t be afraid to love. Confide in your friends. Write more letters.
Savor each moment. Listen to music that soothes your soul and fuels your passion. Sing with the windows rolled down. Take more pictures. Read books that challenge your mind and strengthen your understanding. Keep moving forward, don’t get complacent. Remember what you’ve overcome and where you want to be. Let your guard down. Keep your head on straight. Make mistakes and apologize when necessary.
Be happy. Be yourself. Be genuine.
Looking back over some of my writing from the last few years, it struck me that we never truly know where we are headed in life. Old posts that touch on what love should feel like, what passion should look like, what commitment must be like…it’s all relative to the situation. Take for instance thinking you’ve found your soul mate, when really what you found were the guts to share you feelings with this person, but it never amounted to anything more than that.
Life is constantly in motion; it’s always moving us along, creating new paths and new obstacles to show us that we can overcome our fears and our demons. So many times I thought I knew what the hell I was doing, but what I was doing was simply moving forward. Gingerly paving my way with good intentions filled with friendships, lessons, loss, love, greed, persistence.
What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of discovery, and without it, all the rest are not only useless, but disastrous.