Getting Kicked When You’re Already Down…A Series of Rants


I’ve been having quite the time lately. I can’t find a damn job worth a shit! You’d think having a bachelor’s degree would make some sort of difference in the land of job searching, but really all it does is throw another wrench into the mix. Do you have a BA? Rad! How about 2 years of experience in the field? Ummm, no. No I don’t. How in the exact shit am I supposed to have experience in a field where I just earned the credentials to get a job in the field?! I don’t want a dead end job…I’m 38 years old, and I just spent 4 years and thousands of dollars on my college education, only to find that it isn’t benefitting me much at the moment. I’m frustrated, angry, defeated and ashamed that I didn’t start this journey forever-and-a-day ago.

I decided to apply to grad school this last week and have spent the last 3 days getting everything done and submitted so that my application can be reviewed ASAP. As if college isn’t expensive enough, it has already set me back $67.25 just applying and ordering transcripts. Once my transcripts come in and the last two letters of recommendation are submitted, it’s a wait and see process.


My teenage daughters decided it would be a swell idea to have a knock down, drag out fight with one another yesterday, on my eldest’s 16th birthday, over fixing a chair. They slapped the crap out of one another’s faces, caused a giant disturbance in the house and just about caused me to scalp myself while attempting to clean up the kitchen after dinner. I didn’t HAVE to clean the kitchen, it’s the eldest’s job, after all. Since it was her birthday, I was being nice and doing it for her, but as I’m sure you’ve either learned or heard, parenting sure can be a thankless job.

My youngest does ok at home, but has been being an absolute nightmare when it comes to school. He’s been the only boy in his class for a number or years now, and since there is now another boy in his class, all hell broke loose. They both have issues with “blurting out” in class, my son especially has to get the last word in when it comes to ANYTHING. He will contest any criticism he gets from anyone by challenging them that he wasn’t arguing to begin with. I’m at the end of my rope with these kids at this point. I’ve talked to his teachers a few times now and even had a conference with them to discuss strategies. I realize that parenting is full of challenges, but I’m desperately hoping that he will pull through this because he’s close to suspension at this point. I’ve already informed him that if I get ANY negative contact from his teachers or administration tomorrow (Friday), he will not be allowed to play video games at my boyfriends this weekend. He’s already lost those privileges at home, so maybe that will be incentive for him to get his act together. At least for tomorrow. I feel like a failure and a piece of shit parent at this point. Between the three kids, I never seem to do anything right. I’m a selfish, petty warden in their all-knowing little lives. When people tell me that they’ll grow out of it and thank me later in life, I laugh and sway “I sure hope so.” At this point I’d just like to survive the day and put faith in the fact that my kids aren’t incapable of greatness.





The Decision

After graduation in June, I applied for and was accepted into graduate school. I set my start date to September 1, 2016 and set about to enjoy my summer with the kids. I was excited and looking forward to being able to set my own pace and schedule, until I thought about the student loan dept I currently haimg_1345d and the deadlines I’d be expected to adhere to. I was especially leery since I had applied to a program that I didn’t really want to take. I’d been going to school for 4 years for human services/psychology and was about to embark on a career toward business administration.

I know…you’re thinking “Just how in the hell are those things even related?” Well, they aren’t. I talked things out with my boyfriend, who happens to be super supportive and he told me to go with my gut and quit school and start looking for a job. I stewed about it for a couple more days until I emailed my enrollment coach and broke the news to her. I immediately felt like an enormous weight was lifted from my shoulders!

Next came the job hunt, which is done 99% online these days. So far I’ve had to go in for a skills test (typing/10 key) and have had an interview. I’m very confident that I will get the job I interviewed for, as it went very well! I answered all their questions without hesitation, they liked the questions I asked them, and we all got along very well. I’m excited at the prospect of having a job by the end of the month! In the meantime, I’m still applying for jobs and waiting for the “Congratulations!” email. Wish me luck!!!



A New Fascination

For Mother’s Day this year, one of the presents that my boyfriend bought me was the graphic novel, Tanpopo. He had been reading Preacher and raving about how amazing it was, but I never expected that I would end up liking/looking forward to reading graphic novels or comics. He figured I would enjoy it, as I enjoy drawing manga characters and love to read. After devouring Tanpopo in a day, I promptly ordered Tanpopo, Volume 2, along with Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, Giant Days and Hark! A Vagrant.

That’s a lot of hyperlinks, I know… don’t feel obligated to check them out, but if you are interested at all, then by all means…enjoy! I started reading Tanpopo, Volume 2, but it wasn’t holding my interest like the first one. Fun Home was fairly complex and definitely not for kids. My favorite so far was probably Giant Days even though it is meant for teens and took less than an hour to read.

Now I have the urge to go to the comic store and purchase the entire Giant Days series, and related series along with books that I find appealing due to the cover art, lol.



I Finally Did It!

I got a tattoo! Not just any tattoo mind you, but a tattoo that I care very deeply about. I talked about the meaning in my last post (which was forever ago). My boyfriend, Victor bought me a gift certificate for Christmas this last year and him and I both went in on January 8th and got tattooed with the words “ANAM CARA,” which is Gaelic for Soul Friend.

In the process…

tattoo process

The finished product!



And Victor’s too!


I’m really happy with the way they turned out. I’m already planning my next one! 🙂

Pull of the Moon

The Moon and Ocean

You are excited and filled with energy
When you speak you speak with confidence
An assuring tone is heard when condoning a friend
The light that shines from your presence is as bright as the stars
You are always the one that cast the shadows upon the world
You are the light in the dark
The crescent shape in the dark sky
The bringer of fear and nightmares but yet eternal rest
You are the power behind flowing tides
You are the life in the night
You are the strength behind everyone’s will to rise another day and fight on
You are the push

I am the dark flowing pool of life
The one object that separates the great nations
The tranquil being
But violent when the season sees fit
A threat to those that dare challenge me
I control the destiny of every ship that sails
Sink or swim is the command I give
I am ruthless yet forgiving
To show respect is my game


A nightmare that can appear at any moment
A force that seems to stop time in its tracks
I hold many secrets though at times you exploit them
I am the calm in the midst of the storm

We know no bounds and no restrictions
We are the two spirits the rule the night
Spirits that flow one behind the other in a pond of balance
You are push and I am pull
You are life and I am death
You are good and I am evil
You are peace and I am chaos
You are the tiger and I am the dragon
You are destiny and I am fate
I am Yin you are Yang
Forever maintaining balance through the night
The Moon and Ocean


Squeaky Toy

That’s what I sound like these days.  Thanks to having 3 kids in public school, I get my fair share of sickness.  The germy little turds, you’d think I was out licking shopping carts all day long.  On the plus side, the weather has been trying to decide whether or not to show us any promising signs of an upcoming summer.  Today it was nice enough to dig the lawn furniture pads out of the attic and get them all tied on and neatly arranged on the patio.  I know better than to think it will last since the patio is where the girls love to plug in their Barbie radio and bust a move.

To the 2 of you that read this, I’m sorry I have been neglecting you with my boring stories.  I guess I’ve been a little preoccupied with writing “real” letters.  You know, the kind that you actually write with a pen and then with the purchase of a stamp, the postal service transports for you?!  That kind!  I’ve loved getting back in touch with a notebook and taking the time to write out my thoughts and sending them away.  It’s been therapeutic for me, I should take the time more often to do that for myself.   That being said, I can’t wait until May 22!!!!  Should I go see him or should I wait for him to come see me?!  Decisions, decisions…  It’s too bad we can’t meet in the middle and just stay there for a good long while.  *sigh*

I just took a little break to order some prints from Snapfish.  They keep sending me reminders that I have some freebies to use, so I figured I might as well do it right now while I was thinking about it.  Free always seems to cost something these days…next time I’ll print at Wal-Mart then go pick them up (which is what I normally do anyhow).  It was only $3.79 for 46 prints, so I shouldn’t complain, but I will anyhow.  That’s just how I roll.

It’s getting late and I’ve been going to bed early-ish lately because of this ass kickin’ cold.  Sorry to bail, but guhnight y’all!