Mo Anam Cara

The ancient Celts believed in a soul that radiated about the body. They believed that when two individuals formed a deep and lasting bond that their souls would mingle. Therefore, each person could be said to have found their “anam cara”, or “soul friend.”


I may not know much in life, but I do know that I’ve experienced finding my soul mate, and it feels amazing! I’m more in love now than I’ve ever been in my life, and I’m bursting at the seams to tell the beginning of our love story.

It happened on an ordinary day, near the river, at “the moon.” Sitting in the car, side by side, holding hands. The tension between us so great that it was practically tangible. We kept looking at one another, wondering who is brave enough to jump first…what would happen afterwards…what is happening…is this for real? You jumped first, I responded, it…was…. pure bliss, and it was really, actually happening! The second our lips touched I knew you were someone special. After a sharp inhale and the slowest possible exhale to date, I knew that my life would never be the same. After our souls met, I felt my own respond with “Oh there you are. I’ve been looking for you,” and I’ve been madly in love with you since that very moment.

We have a story to tell, you and I. We have a beautiful start to a rewarding and lasting love that not everyone has the opportunity to experience. I’m glad we’re on this journey together sweetheart, because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

I love you to the moon!


Pull of the Moon

The Moon and Ocean

You are excited and filled with energy
When you speak you speak with confidence
An assuring tone is heard when condoning a friend
The light that shines from your presence is as bright as the stars
You are always the one that cast the shadows upon the world
You are the light in the dark
The crescent shape in the dark sky
The bringer of fear and nightmares but yet eternal rest
You are the power behind flowing tides
You are the life in the night
You are the strength behind everyone’s will to rise another day and fight on
You are the push

I am the dark flowing pool of life
The one object that separates the great nations
The tranquil being
But violent when the season sees fit
A threat to those that dare challenge me
I control the destiny of every ship that sails
Sink or swim is the command I give
I am ruthless yet forgiving
To show respect is my game


A nightmare that can appear at any moment
A force that seems to stop time in its tracks
I hold many secrets though at times you exploit them
I am the calm in the midst of the storm

We know no bounds and no restrictions
We are the two spirits the rule the night
Spirits that flow one behind the other in a pond of balance
You are push and I am pull
You are life and I am death
You are good and I am evil
You are peace and I am chaos
You are the tiger and I am the dragon
You are destiny and I am fate
I am Yin you are Yang
Forever maintaining balance through the night
The Moon and Ocean


Dear Tirzah,

Remember to breathe. There are two sides to every story, every situation & every circumstance…don’t choose sides, gain perspective. You aren’t a bad person no matter who tells you otherwise. You are capable of great love, immense happiness and worthy of complete devotion. You will be surprised when you realize that your love is not disposable.

Life will fall into place when it’s supposed to. Love the job you choose, don’t settle for less than you deserve. Delete the old bucket list and start a new one that is full of all the wonderful places you want to go, and the things that you want to be part of. Forget your past transgressions and forgive those who have hurt or offended you over the years.

Cherish your family and friends, loving each and every one with abandon. Face your fears. Speak your mind. Quit being passive. Ask questions. Ponder answers. Live your full potential. Stop getting down on yourself, it doesn’t help progression. Don’t be afraid to hurt. Don’t be afraid to love. Confide in your friends. Write more letters.

Savor each moment. Listen to music that soothes your soul and fuels your passion. Sing with the windows rolled down. Take more pictures. Read books that challenge your mind and strengthen your understanding. Keep moving forward, don’t get complacent. Remember what you’ve overcome and where you want to be. Let your guard down. Keep your head on straight. Make mistakes and apologize when necessary.

Be happy. Be yourself. Be genuine.

Paving The Way With Good Intentions

Looking back over some of my writing from the last few years, it struck me that we never truly know where we are headed in life. Old posts that touch on what love should feel like, what passion should look like, what commitment must be like…it’s all relative to the situation. Take for instance thinking you’ve found your soul mate, when really what you found were the guts to share you feelings with this person, but it never amounted to anything more than that.

Life is constantly in motion; it’s always moving us along, creating new paths and new obstacles to show us that we can overcome our fears and our demons. So many times I thought I knew what the hell I was doing, but what I was doing was simply moving forward. Gingerly paving my way with good intentions filled with friendships, lessons, loss, love, greed, persistence.

What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of discovery, and without it, all the rest are not only useless, but disastrous.

Thomas Merton

Would you like to hear about what pisses me off? Or at least what pissed me off today.

I’m sure you do. In fact you can’t wait for just the teeniest morsel of pissedoffishness!

So here it is…

I had to call DSHS this morning in order to complete my eligibility review. Even though the automated system kept hanging up on me because “all circuits are busy, please call back later,” I was diligent and proceeded with good ol rapid fire redialing. I got smart and wrote down all the prompts and finally made it through to the queue where I was told my approximate wait time would be 27 minutes. I knew right then that it was bullshit. I called last week (too early for September reviews apparently) and sat on hold for TWO hours only to be told that the earliest I could call in and have a review would be August 26th, which is clearly today.

So I sat on hold…..doodled and drank coffee, tortured the cat, played with my son, played a game on my Kindle, sent copious amounts of email, checked Facebook and grew more and more impatient.

Pet me, you worthless human!
Pet me, you worthless human!

Finally, after 1 hour and 4 minutes, I was on the phone with a woman who sounded like she could have had a laptop perched on her legs while she was in the bathroom taking a shit. You know that sound…echoey and stark. She verified my address, family size and the amount of child support I was supposed to be receiving and then she typed up a bunch of junk for the next 4 minutes, told me I was good to go for another year and that was that.

Seriously?! You had ALL of that information plus every other detail of my life in the plethora of forms that I submitted…what is the purpose of making me sit on hold for so damn long?!

I know, I shouldn’t bitch about it, but you know what? IT PISSES ME OFF!

Over The Weekend

The weekend started out relaxing with movies and popcorn, until Saturday rolled around and shit got real. Aside from some general weeding (don’t even get me started on just how much needs to be done around here!), we decided to cut down a tree in the front yard. I don’t remember what kind of tree is was, but the stump of it is now hidden under that fake boulder on the other side of the sidewalk. I think I swept the sidewalk 3 times yesterday, between gravel, moss, branches and whatever-kind-of-tree-that-was needles. It looks significantly better out there without that fat thing hogging up the sidewalk.

Then we painted the garden gate red. Well, to be honest, we painted this side, then ran out of spray paint and finished it today. Spray paint is awesome to use, but it’s bullshit to pay for considering the amount you get (or don’t get) in a can. Isn’t it pretty though? 


Here’s a very non-professional shot of the garden. I was too lazy to take the picture from a good angle, but you get the idea. Raised beds, straw bales, vegetables and herbs. Your typical garden-variety….garden. Ahem. I planted some cilantro in there today, this means I need to make some salsa and guacamole soon!


Aren’t those asiatic lily’s beautiful? We thought so too! We prettied them up a little with upside down tomato cages. Fancy, ain’t we! After a trip to town, planting and filling in the beds with bark, we decided to take another trip to Home Depot to buy some calla lily’s for the other side of the garden entrance. I didn’t take any pictures of those though, because I’m a lazy bastard. Also, because I wasn’t planning on blogging or anything. I mean, it’s been like….2 years or something since my last blog. Is there some kind of group I need to join for neglecting my blog? It wouldn’t surprise me if one of those did exist. Now I’m gonna have to Google that. Dammit anyhow.


Where I’m From

I am from a place where kids stay out after the streetlights come on, from crackers and Easy Cheese and butter smothered popcorn.

I am from the country…a two-story house, water from a well and acres of land.  I am from honeysuckle and buttercups, scotch broom and thistle.  I am from bales of hay and saddles.  I am from tire swings and slip-n-slides, from wedges of watermelon and bike rides without helmets.  I am from sunburns and jelly shoes, from apple trees and snow boots.  I am from animal lovers and rescuers, from garden grown vegetables and home canned fruit.

I am from Lundquist, McDougall and Fahey, from card games and Super Bowl parties, from 50 cent pieces and scratchy beards.  I am from blue eyes and olive skin, from rules and consequences.  I am from lemon drops and cups of tea.  I am from banana milkshakes and late night conversations.  I am from educators and enforcers, from salesmen and laborers. I am from stubborn and meek, from passive and proactive.  I am from submarines and ships, from newspapers and books.

I am from the fort under the card table and the branch on the big tree in the front yard.  From record players and eight-track cassettes, from Polariods and negatives.  I am from bowling alleys and virgin Shirley Temples, from truck beds and swimming pools.  I am from bleachers indoor and out, from band and volleyball, from music and art.

From Strawberry Shortcake pillows, a canopy bed and albums full of Garbage Pail Kids, from Cabbage Patch Kids and Care Bears.  I am from Saturday morning cartoons and heaped bowls of Golden Grahams.  I am from family road trips and The Bodyguard soundtrack.  I am from emergency room visits and a broken arm, from aunts, uncles and cousins.  I am from wood cutting with Grandpa and dessert baking with Grannie.  I am from yarn and handmade afghans, from fabric and sewing machines.

I am from The Holy Trinity, The Torah, confusion, spirituality.

I’m from the Bear Festival, The Evergreen State and The Muddy Banks of the Wishkah.  From the ocean, blueberry bushes, homemade jam and pillowcases full of Halloween candy.  From the catchy jingles at Christmas time, the tar from the middle of the street, and the dad I finally had the courage to contact.

I am from nicotine outlined frames on the living room wall, scrapbooks and wallets with picture inserts.  I am from yearbooks and wedding pictures, from grade school stories and awards and ceramic handprints.

Me & Grandpa, 1981-82ish