No one really knows the hell that goes on inside me. The struggle that pulls at my heart and gnaws on every thought. It’s a battle to stay afloat when there’s a constant invasion of outside influence and competition. If I could make it all vanish, I surely would. It’s Easter Sunday and I’m sitting here in the house alone wondering where the fuck I’ve gone wrong with my life. Giving, giving, giving and getting nothing in return. I feel flawed and broken. I feel ashamed, disappointed and worst of all, I feel angry with myself for feeling that way. It pisses me off! I wish we were born with a safeguard in place that allowed us to protect ourselves from future decisions. One where we could give ourselves a period of time to try and make things right and then hit a reset button that takes us back to a fresh start with no gaping wounds to nurse after the fact. I’ve gone through a divorce where I was being told I wasn’t enough or that no one would ever love me. It took me time to heal from those hurtful words and to realize it was just his tactic to make himself feel better to personally attack me like that. I knew I was worthy of love and companionship, I still am. I knew I was enough, more that enough, maybe sometimes too much, and I still am. None of this makes ME a bad person, it just might mean I haven’t found the right counterpart yet. Like this creepy ass Easter bunny!
Damn Hell Blog 