I hate that this still gets to me, still…

I hate that this still gets to me, still makes me sick to my stomach and makes my blood boil.  I. Hate. It.

After all the times without public admiration and affection on the networking websites, including on birthdays and anniversaries, I grew to not expect anything from him.  It hurt that he could leave things for other people to read but when it came to me, it didn’t matter.  In part, I think he was jealous that I had so many people pining over me, telling me how much fun it was to read my blogs and how they looked forward to it every day.  I think the he was genuinely jealous of the attention that I was getting from other people.  Maybe it was because he thought their opinions mattered more to me that his own…but in the grand scheme of things, I suppose they did.

It sucks to feel that your significant other doesn’t support your dreams.  Even if he did, he never showed it and it hurt me.  So when other people believed in me and told me that they loved my work, it meant a lot.  He can perceive it as choosing to value their opinions over his own…but I know that isn’t the truth.

I’m just irritated that I have to see how Uh-Mazzzzzzing his girlfriend is and how much he fuckin’ loves her when he couldn’t even bother to tell me Happy Birthday or Happy Anniversary half of the time.

It’s a slap in the face is what it is.

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