Divulgence

How do you decide how much or how little information to give someone regarding your hopes and dreams, your heart, your heartbreak?  I’m not sure that there’s a right or wrong answer to that question.  As individuals, it’s our job to decide what we’re comfortable with sharing and not.

Personally, I tend to feel too comfortable too fast and I’ll flap my yap and spill the beans about almost anything as long as it doesn’t make me uneasy.  So far I believe it to be both a blessing and a curse.  On one hand it definitely lets the other person know who I am and what I’m all about, but on the other hand I could really scare the shit out of someone!  I mean, it’s not exactly FUN to hear about someones past relationships and how their lives fell apart but they survived it….mainly because they are just that awesome.

Dating is hard, it’s a pain in the ass!  It is for me at least because I’m a huge chicken shit.  I’ll talk your ear off, I’ll be your best friend and I’ll promise you my loyalty and mean it, but set up a time and date and I clam up, get nervous and fear rejection.  I know I’m certainly not alone in this predicament.  The funny thing is, the second I meet and get over the initial awkwardness, all is well in the world and we can run off into the sunset and live happily ever after.  Until then, I’m gonna be a nervous wreck and fear that my insecurities will scare you away.  I’m a bit of a conundrum I suppose.

I know what I don’t want in my life and if there’s any way I can sift through the wreckage of someone elses past to find out if I can deal with what’s being handed to me, I’m all over it.  I need to know what didn’t work to make sure that I could make it work for me, that I wouldn’t end up putting either of us through the same hell we’ve already gone through.  I just want to be proactive for the both of us, so if I divulge too much information about my past, my life, my expectations, my dreams, that’s why…it’s because I want “us” to work out.

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3 thoughts on “Divulgence

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